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KidCharlemagne
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Name: Michael Xylophone
Location: Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, United States
Birthday: 6/26/1981
Interests: Plausible Deniability and the Indellible Rights of Man to slake his thirst, garner a vote, and dredge the river.
Expertise: Thinking, feeling, trying to resemble a human---these are things i am fairly good at.
Occupation: Retired
Industry: Art
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  HellBlauLicht
Member Since:
9/22/2003
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| ive been reading a lot of book slately
went through several years of not reading very much and
that changed in the past two years or so
since nearing the end of and then finishing college
correlation? we can only speculate.
because i might like to know sometime, what the fuck
kind of spaced out shit was i reading in 2011 -
here it is:
(many of these are in pdf format)
terence mckenna - the archaic revival, alchemy lectures
robert anton wilson - prometheus rising, illuminatus!
ralph metzner - birth of a psychedelic culture
norton I, emperor of the united states - william drury
dan carpenter - a psychonaut's guide to the invisible landscape
robert monroe - astral dynamics
maybe there are more? will record them as i remember.
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| 3 aug 2011
starting the first real 3o day challenge of my life. that is, if it comes off. right now i am taking things slowly. not officially calling this the 1st 30 day challenge. just going to see if i can non-officially write every day for five days, and from there call it a legit challenge. if that goes well i may begin another challenge before long - gradually increasing meditation. today i am starting with a '20 minutes' premise - providing twenty minutes to write. if i feel like going beyond, i well may.
one challenge to 30 day challenges is that i will be leaving pittsburgh in less than 30 days, having just bought a plane tix to dallas for the 29th. cest la. since im flying, i may bring this laptop.
writing. i feel a desire to increase my creativity. takes work. right now going to simply write about things i know, perhaps branching off into things i dont know.
goodbye pork pie hat - very familliar tune, just now put matched name and tune.
sometimes feeling (positively, it hits me) the snafu of existence. that i am striving, having come from education and the ingrained instinct to strive, coming through rejection of all goals, getting to conscious come what may - but still striving nonetheless. meaning: what happens when i get where i am heading? well, ill be heading somewhere else, that much seems certain. do we all desire the state of ambient benevolence? striving, even mindfully, is still preference for 'positive' over 'negative.' it seems to me that the dominant human drive is towards perfect comfortability, . . . or maybe i am overgeneralizing. maybe thats just my drive. reaching the wealth-rung where i can be certain of maintaining my choice amusements. certainly seems that way some times. getting to the point of the devas (only, i can only conceptualize this realm on my own terms, say the satifaction of eating endless gyros without becoming 'full,' or just endless gyro satisfaction lazing lolling in the light enamored of the subtle wave nature.
every so often the feeling of sensing not right direction, but what is not right direction - failing to grasp any more insight than that. guided by certain general principles: non competitiveness, not getting angry and trying to understand emotions, not speaking ill of others or gossiping, not eating too much, not spending too much time in front of screens, indulging in the need to expand, creating lists and organizing, spending much time alone, etc. (there are certainly more).
have always wanted guru. for once someone to accept me as a student and guide me. feeling ive been a lone operator. balanced with a healthy skepticism of gurus swamisji and spiritual masters. its not words, of course, its the feeling. but! i no longer think that words only indicate and stand for, but that they are!
let me describe some of the lovely people i know, briefly: rachel - her hair the flaxen field sonnenshowers - underlying crafti-handedness and artism running.
keith - adamantine artistry upon melifluous castle haven - rock craving sensualism dreaming antcestor of non-perishable trip-to-phayne.
lori - pale flutterfrail piping talismanic dripfrond delicate-i-tessen dreaming scheming child of the first morn and last night falls.
myself - board and fatulent growing with dreams expanding ever out in over towards rapidity innerpulse screams with his head inverse and trails with ever increasing befuddlehood.
and there is no other one i know well enough to dashingly postulate like that.
4 aug 2011
on the subject of the hegemony of reality, rather than of ideas or ideology - its hard to see its hard to see - reality is reality, how can you see behind it, unless you are trying to? i am collecting examples of popular and state hegemony of reality - that is - what reality is created by our society, our state, our system.
drugs [dangerous, mindaltering, addictive substances providing a 'high' experience coveted by the addict, or giving birth to insane ideas counter to reality] are used by drug users. drug users exist outside of society and frequently commit crimes to support their habits. they are antisocial and cannot be related to on an even level. they are 'bad' people and they belong in jail, or maybe rehabilitation. they are 'not in control,' but still responsible for their actions.
***
upon reading terrence mckenna (but in my own words):
seeing is not what you think it is. it is what you think it is only because your external world is constructed as such.
flash of what eyes are
tm is talking about words, how transformation is possible, but language must evolve first
in illum. bucky fuller is talking about nouns only existing as verbs
there you go, an instance of language creating reality
a noun is supposed to be a solid, unchanging thing
gummy like
our current language veils us to the impossibility of such a thing
nouns and things are merely events
not even points
an event being mobile, all said.
feeling tired a bit
but screen will keep me up if i want
no obligation to wake except the drive to do things
keith may want to jam
or sleep
cser in town 'pris'
firest friday tomorrow and work the two days after that
things moving along
working on eliminating fear from my diet.
5 aug 2011
make yourself. create yourself.
words have the power.
i dont believe that because i dont need belief
just experience.
so what do i want to make myself?
what is my preferred creation?
i want to love!@
i want to be very friendly toward people
and people who wont be befriended,
i want to still be able to shoot straight with them
everyone is not looking for a friend
but everyone can be talked to
to folly to folly!
i want to relate
to relate to you
and stay organized
and lean and mobile
i want to have an incisive mind
and the ability to be discursive and expansive
be what you are! indeed
the are that you say and the are that i am
because i am
discipline necessary vehicle
and subtlety and the ability to keep a cork in it
to use language to its infinite extent, but not to talk too much!
another 30 day challenge may simply be to create myself every day
through words and actions (slow words)
lets see what word is
from etymonline.com
word - utterance -
sound vibration
full of power
a symbol, but also the thing itself
OHG wort - the plant?
OIE were - to say and to be, the same thing
word and verb descended from the same were
: ; )
and a noun is a name
in giving it a name, it is frozen
joyce tried to heat it up again, no?
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| hey just very briefly a few things ive been doing
today was the longest day of the year (ever?) but it didnt necessarily feel so
spent it at the beach! novel. i didnt come here planning to spend time at the beach but
this is san francisco and
this is what we do here
so many things they do here
already feels cliched to go into it
other than to say
theres something a little different about the approach to living in this place.
its a little more relaxed and more creative
creative order and creative destruction
they still complain about the weather though.
so other than going to the beach and
closedmouthed hanging with friends of friends of friends
(you meet them so easily!)
pitching my new friend hammock! will save me from the cold ground in the
pacnw!
picturing the city in my mind as i ride transit
or walk just as well
ve been over much of it some intentionally, some outside of intent
got back to richmond at 2am yesterday morning and
before that listened to 5 or ten confer about benefits for the homeless here
more food stamp money than i ever reaped in pa
housing stipend
24hr carl's jr!
or hamburger night at the ? someplace
the visitors floor at the hospital where you could stay if you werent carrying too many bags and if you looked clean . . .
and before that staring out the window and saying goodbye to m*** and p***
ofwithtofor whom i never got onto the same page despite serendipitous entry
and before
taking refuge in the most hideous barrage of tunes rattled off in a row shelter from
the net greater pain of crowing c*** (have you heard msi? so sixth grade.)
and before
parting ways with a strip-ed sock (one that had drawn more compliments than me in the day)
whose brother went missing on the beach
sandy, wet
before
stripping and running faster than i am capable into surf into shadows grasping at
the irish girl who egged me on (who was she? her address is 2551 44th, i think)
and before
buying 5 oz of chips and a half liter coke
before
drinking sauer beer with taylor
before
long hangout at dolores park not much is said
before
following fast kyle and ian as they readied their jello shots for sale to the park goers
and before
saying goodbye to my friend, she leaving for philadelphia
which, ingratefully, is where i tell myself i want to be.
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| brief first stab at wisconsin, for digihitch (will finish this later)
A few words on Wisconsin:
once again, i find, follow rob (that would be legendary rob, do a google search! :) -
took the megabus from chicago up to madison to avoid having to hitch on toll roads and to guarantee a modicum of progress on this day. bus lets off at the 'dutch mill park and ride' south of town, which calls to mind teutonic cuisine and chalet gift hauses, but is really more of just an arby's. oh well, at least theres the arby's. dutch mill is a half mile west of the 90/94 and 18/12 interchange, exit 142 on the interstate. according to rob, the best exit out of town on 90 is mile 135, sun prairie, on the northeast side of town. from dutch mill, the best way to get there is using public transit, as it is situated at a distance of, well, 7 highway miles. busses run right from the park and ride, or, im guessing, walk up 51 staughton rd into 'madtown' and find one.
the sun prairie interchange is located in an area of mid to upscale chain restaurants, hotels, and car dealerships. the onramp is a long cloverleaf, allowing plenty of visibility. would i had followed my advice and rob's and caught the bus here.
this is where a tale becomes a cautionary tale. instead of catching the bus i walked next to 90/94 the entire seven miles from d.m. to mile 135, crossing and passing another, less favorable, interchange, and traversing terrain ranging from gravel to brush to jaggers to tall grass to total wetland. why did i do this? at first i merely followed my mental map to where i thought i would find public transit. mistake one, i walked toward the highway, further out of town. after twenty minutes, retreating deeper into country, i stubbornly chose to follow the highway seeking an access point, rather than double back. two three and four hours wore on as i trekked the birm, even scavenging a leftover tarp (still have it), purple electrical tape (may use it someday), and a twenty dollar bill (!). at one point i saw flashing lights ahead of me on the side of the road, so i headed down a ditch and over a fence to continue. i made it to the sun prairie onramp as evening approached and my chances of catching a ride already starting to slip, there was another c
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| never to be convinced of the apparent permanence of this world,
despite appearances
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